Psst… G’Day, Australia! Just Wanted To Let You Know That We Always Liked You Better Than Those Dumb Americans

What’s up, Australia! Having a nice afternoon? Americans are all sleeping right now, so while they’re down for the night, we just wanted to let you know that all along, we’ve been on your side.

Yeah, we play the American politics game while they’re awake, because they click on a lot of articles, and that really pays the bills around here. We’re all “Oh, yeah, Donald Trump is amazing” and “Pew! Pew!” Guns are cool!” and “Dumb liberals! THE USA IS THE BEST!” but in all honesty, we’d just post loving Australian jokes all the time if we could, because frankly, Australia is just way cooler.

You’ve got friggin big rabbit-like creatures that hop around with their babies in a big fanny pack on their stomachs. That’s pretty neat. Tons of crazy wilderness and the outback. We have an Outback Steakhouse here in America, but it’s probably not the authentic outback experience. Their Bloomin’ Onion is pretty good though.

Mel Gibson grew up there. We liked Braveheart. That’s a great movie. Thanks for that. Nicole Kidman is yours, right? Chris Hemsworth, Hugh Jackman. That’s not nothing. Pretty neat for an island of convicts, eh, mate?

Uh, what else? Oh, uh, lots of crazy animals that try to kill you. Spiders. Snakes. Drop bears. Wait, are those a myth? Might be a myth. But we’re not gonna risk it. So if we ever get the chance to come visit, we’ll just steer clear of any trees.

Anyway, good day, mates! We’ll most likely delete this in the morning so the Americans don’t get upset. They get all wound up about being the best at everything. Crazy Americans!

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