EHRENBERG, CA—In a miraculous sign, Ben Shapiro has parted the waters of the Colorado River for the millions of desperate Californian refugees trying to escape the failed state. After Gavin Newsom closed all the bridges over the river in a desperate attempt to prevent his people from going, the Editor Emeritus of The Daily Wire created a path through the middle of the river, allowing the children of California to cross on dry ground.
Shapiro stretched out his hand over the waters and said, “Be still gang, and witness the salvation of the Lord! But first, let’s talk about Policy Genius. Listen folks, I can’t guarantee how this river-crossing thing is gonna play out. Rushing water doesn’t care about your feelings, Ok? Isn’t it time you made sure you’re getting the best rate on life insurance?”
At his command, the waters parted and the children of California crossed to freedom and great health insurance rates on the other side.
Gavin Newsom put his Tesla on “Insane Mode” and pursued the fleeing Californians in a rage. Unfortunately, he ran out of electricity halfway across the river and the waters came crashing down upon him.
The freed Californians are now traveling to a promised land flowing with milk and barbeque sauce, in hopes of turning that land into another California.
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