Man Forced To Resign As Patriarch After Failing To Bring All Groceries Inside In One Trip

DES MOINES, IA—Local man Chad Bigglesworth was forced to resign as the head of the Bigglesworth household Tuesday after he failed to bring in all the groceries in one trip.

The man almost got every item, carrying over thirty bags of groceries, a case of bottled water, four 12-packs of Coke, and a bucket of kitty litter. But when he returned to the car to shut the trunk, he realized in horror that he had left behind a box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. The man hung his head in shame.

“I’m sorry, family… I have failed you,” he said in tears as he pulled out his man card and dutifully put it down the garbage disposal. “Honey, you’ll have to take over running things. The guys at the office will be expecting you at 6 a.m. tomorrow. Give my love to Bob in accounting.”

“Would that I had been man enough to carry that last box of cereal! Curse you, cruel world!”

At publishing time, Bigglesworth was making his wife a sandwich and helping with the kids’ homework.