Health Experts Now Recommend Maximizing Social Distance By Attending A Biden Rally

U.S.—Health experts across the globe are recommending a new strategy for maximizing your social distance: attending a Joe Biden rally.

Officials say there’s no better place to be miles away from most other humans.

“When you attend a Joe Biden rally, you’re very unlikely to get infected, since, you know, there’s no one else there,” said one CDC official. “We’ve found that Trump rallies are super-spreader events since there’s a ton of people. Biden rallies are great for stopping the virus. You just stand in the middle of a field while an old guy shouts from a podium hundreds of feet far away from you.”

“Plus, you can rest and relax. Get away from the busyness of modern life: attend a Biden rally. BIDEN-HARRIS 2020!”

The health experts named several alternatives that are also acceptable for maximal social distancing, including attending a Biden boat parade, a Biden car parade, and a Nickelback concert.