Unhappy With Binary Choice Between God And Satan, People Demand Third-Party Candidate

U.S.—Faced with picking one’s destiny for eternity, people across the world are expressing discontent over the simple binary choice offered to people — God or Satan — and many people would like a third-party option.

“It’s such a simple black and white choice when everyone really wants gray,” explained scholar Tim Becker. “People crave to vote for the lesser evil, but there is only pure evil and good.”

If people choose God, they are asked to fully give of themselves and devote themselves to Him — which sounds hard — while the only other option is to follow the master of evil.

“What people are looking for is a more centrist option,” said undecided person Arnold Pittman. “People should be able to devote themselves to their own worldly desires but not fully give in to darkness and evil. But the candidates just aren’t listening.”

Recently, a third-party option did appear and even gained some steam. People were told they could choose their own paths in life by following their hearts. This third option broke down — as it has every time in the past — went it was revealed that this was actually just a choice for Satan again. That tricky, clever Satan. It’s no wonder he usually wins the popular vote.