HELL—In a bid to increase torture in the afterlife, managers of Hell confirmed today that Kamala Harris’s grating cackle will be played over the loudspeakers in the place of perpetual torment for all eternity.
“Effective immediately, we are no longer playing Limp Bizkit 24/7,” said one spokesperson. “We are switching to the Kamala cackle. Studies have shown this is the most effective way to punish people for their sins.”
People in hell quickly filed a lawsuit claiming this form of torture is “cruel and unusual,” even for people who offended a holy God. The only judge who hears such cases, though, is God, so their appeal was denied.
“NOOOO!!!” they screamed in unison as Harris’s cackle began to play. “PLEASE! WE’LL DO ANYTHING! MAKE IT STOP! BRING BACK THE SCORPION BADGERS!”
Millions still living on Earth immediately converted to Christ in a desperate attempt to avoid the torture, including Joe Biden.
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