Newly Sworn-In ACB Immediately Orders All Nation’s Women To Wear Handmaid’s Outfit

WASHINGTON, D.C.—After being sworn in as a Supreme Court justice, Amy Coney Barrett immediately issued a decree that all women are to wear red handmaid’s outfits for the rest of their lives.

“Execute papal order 66,” she said, her eyes glowing red. “Implement the theocratic state.”

Barrett sent out squads of soldiers to round up women and make sure they wear the garment at all times. All women are now required to bear at least seventeen babies. Attendance at Catholic Mass is also mandatory. Those who violate the order will be executed, “no exceptions,” said Barrett.

“She can’t do this! This is unconstitutional!” screamed Rachel Maddow as enforcement squads kicked in the doors at MSNBC’s studios and grabbed her for reconditioning as a subservient handmaid. “I warned you! I WARNED ALL OF YOU!”

The whole country turning into a Christofascist state seems to be a negative to many, but the nation is quite a bit more peaceful now.