Trump Lures Progressive Voters Away From Polling Places By Setting Up Statues Of Columbus

U.S.—In his latest dastardly scheme to suppress the Democrat vote, Trump spent all night sneaking from polling place to polling place setting up statues of Christopher Columbus in order to distract progressives who came to vote for Biden. Chaos erupted when Biden supporters arrived at the polls the next day to find massive bronze likenesses of the cruel Spanish colonizer.

“Say, I sure can’t wait to vote for my pal Joe Biden!” said one eager voter before noticing the horrifying statue erected right in front of the door to the polling station. “Hey wait! Is that a statue of Christopher Columbus? GET IT! Tear it down! This is what democracy looks like!” 

A large group of democrat voters then surrounded the statue in protest, completely forgetting they were there to vote. The rioters shouted and spray-painted the statue until nightfall, well after the polls had closed for the day.

“Mission accomplished,” Trump said to himself as he watched from the bushes, an evil smile on his face.

The protestors were relieved to find that their governor had extended the voting deadline by 9 days, giving them plenty of time to vote.