U.S.—After grossly miscalculating the election results in almost every possible way, pollsters are insisting that their polls were indeed 100% correct except that everyone just voted wrong.
“We stand by our polling 100%,” said Ned Boop, who is a very smart pollster who wears fancy-looking glasses. “Our methodology and results were entirely correct and we’re also very intelligent. It’s just that all the stupid people we polled voted incorrectly like dumb-heads.”
CNN is also backing the findings of their pollsters who predicted the complete opposite of almost every single thing that actually happened on Election Day.
“We believe our pollsters are owed an apology from the American people,” said one of the CNN guys who sit in the background of the TV set during broadcasts while pretending to look at a monitor. “It was cruel and inconsiderate of them to make our pollsters look this bad by voting differently than all our very smart pollsters thought they would.”
Nancy Pelosi also shared outrage at the American people for defying the pollsters and has promised to introduce legislation requiring voters to obey the pollsters during the next election.
At the time of publication, pollsters are now enthusiastically predicting a 1000-year Democrat reign.
Babylon Bee subscriber Jonathan O’Hara contributed to this report. If you want to get involved with the staff writers at The Babylon Bee, check out our membership options here!
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