U.S.—After mainstream media outlets called the presidential race for Joe Biden, a defiant President Trump has locked himself in the Oval Office and swallowed the key.
“Rigged, stolen election!” Trump yelled from behind his desk as members of Biden’s transition team pounded on the doors. “I’m not leaving the White House! This is my house and I won it fair and square. If Sleepy Joe wants to take my job you can tell him to break down the doors! He won’t be able to, I think. He’s weak. Not like me! I’m not going anywhere!”
Staffers quickly informed Joe Biden that Trump was still in the White House and wasn’t going anywhere.
“Step aside, Jack! I’ll break that door down myself with one punch and drag him out by the neck! I’ll give him the ol’ one-two!” Joe Biden exclaimed as he got himself up from his napping couch.
Biden took two steps and immediately tripped and fell, breaking his hip and completely forgetting where he was.
The National Guard has gathered around the White House to entice Trump to come out. They have a trained negotiator speaking through a bullhorn and beckoning Trump to unlock the door. According to sources, the plan is to wait it out until Trump runs out of food and water.
Unfortunately, it was later determined that Trump has a 25-year supply of food and water from Patriot Emergency Food Supply and won’t be leaving any time soon.
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