U.S.—The Sunday after President Trump’s devastating loss to Joe Biden, Christians across the country gathered to worship someone, but it’s unclear exactly whom.
“We can only conclude these Trump worshippers have replaced him with some of other diety we have yet to identify,” said Vorlap Andross, an expert on American Christianity. “Just like every other Sunday, Christians gathered to pray, sing praises, and fellowship with each other, but with Trump out of the picture we have no idea who they could possibly be worshipping or celebrating. We need to do more research on this.”
According to observers, Christians from all walks of life practiced their strange rituals just like they do every Sunday. Several rumors have emerged that they have replaced their Trump diety with a 2,000-year-old Jewish Rabbi. “These rumors can’t be true, since Trump supporters are anti-semites,” Andross explained.
Other rumors have suggested that Christians are still worshipping Trump based on the claim that he will someday rise again. “This seems the most likely scenario,” explains Andross.
According to several witnesses, Christians across the country seem happy, peaceful, and very much in love with whatever deity they are worshipping, which is “impossible considering the circumstances,” according to experts.
“I need to do more research on this,” said Vorlap Andross. “It’s hard though — because I’d have to step foot in a church to do that, and ew.”
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