WILMINGTON, DE—The nation is in shock today after news that a surprise election victory party sent Joe Biden to a nearby hospital. Kamala Harris, who organized the loud and very startling surprise party for the elderly Joe Biden, has apologized for her shortsighted attempt to surprise the 77-year-old by scaring him out of his mind.
“SURPRISE!!!!!” Kamala screamed as he entered the room.
“TRUNALIMUNUMAPRZURE!” Biden exclaimed before clutching his chest and immediately keeling over.
“Maaaybe the flashing strobe lights and 120-decibel foghorn were a bit too much,” said Kamala Harris to reporters before pausing to awkwardly laugh at a very inappropriate time in her statement. “Joe is suuuch a healthy guy, and we had no idea this sudden blast of flashing lights and deafening sound would have any negative effects on his health! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”
According to sources, Biden is recovering nicely after emergency heart surgery and is expected to remember who he is by the end of the week.
“He’s still alive?” Kamala said after receiving the news. “Oh…that’s, that’s wonderful! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”
Harris and the rest of the staff are hoping to make things up to Biden. They have already crafted an apology cake and hidden Pete Buttigieg inside so he can burst out of the cake at the last minute.
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