NEW YORK CITY, NY—After expressing her frustration at Democrats for not embracing fresh progressive ideas such as communism, AOC has announced her departure from politics into the world of showbusiness. Today it was announced that the former congressperson will replace the legendary Alex Trebek on the popular game show Jeopardy!.
“I’m, like, so honored to be taking over as the first birthing person of color to host Jeopardy!,” AOC said in a statement to the press. “For too long, Jeopardy! has been a bastion of heteronormative cisgender white patriarchy and ethnocentric ideas of truth. It’s totally time to change that, like, now.”
AOC was determined to be eminently qualified for the position due to her Bachelor of Arts degree in economics and international relations, as well as her strong speaking ability.
As new host, AOC will be bringing some new changes to the rules. Female contestants will be automatically awarded 30% more winnings in the name of equal pay. All contestants will be required to say “black lives matter” at the beginning of every round. Additionally, all questions will be decolonized and will focus on communist ideology and indigenous tribal legends.
“Yay!” said AOC. “This will be so cool!”
Jeopardy! will return with its new host early next year, assuming civilization survives that long.
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