California Declares New Nov. 26 Statewide Holiday ‘ThanksGavin’

SACRAMENTO, CA—Thanksgiving is going to look a little different this year in California. Last week the California legislature updated the holiday and renamed it “ThanksGavin,” in honor of the new state motto, “Thanks, Gavin,” which everyone in California says every time something really awesome happens.

While families will be encouraged to gather, it will be limited to three households. All members must be in hazmat suits and not speak unless they are espousing the tenants of the Black Lives Matter organization. Singing is discouraged, but whispering songs under your breath is permitted. Giving thanks to anyone but Gavin Newsom is strongly prohibited. Eating is OK as long as the food is pressed through three layers of face mask material.

While many carols and new traditions are expected to grow out of the new holiday, an official ThanksGavin song has been written. Here are some of the lyrics:

Feast through face masks and eat well
Copiously wear hair gel
Gas-powered cars are tools of Satan
All the buttered rolls are eaten

All this turkey and fun we’re havin’
Let the world sing thanks, Gavin!
Pass the yams and the smoked salmon
And let us sing as one Thanks, Gavin!

Light the candles that we may see
For we have run out of electricity
Celebrate perpetual reliance
Let us genuflect, it’s SCIENCE

Op’ thy mouth and shove some ham in
Let the world sing thanks, Gavin!
Submit to his higher understandin’
And let us sing as one Thanks, Gavin