GRAND RAPIDS, MI—According to anonymous sources, one local Michigan family is choosing to rise up against tyranny and rebel against cultural norms by celebrating the holidays with friends and family, just like normal. In a leak to the press, Governor Whitmer’s network of spies revealed that the Ritterson family is planning on having brothers, sisters, and grandparents over for a lovely Thanksgiving and Christmas, filling the home with warmth and joy.
“Don’t these murderous insurrectionists know that we’re in the middle of a pandemic?” bellowed Governor Whitmer. “I will not have my authority questioned by this rebel scum!”
Whitmer then sent state police to put a stop to all festivities and lecture all attendees for not being fearful and compliant like they should be. The Rittersons welcomed the state police with open arms and invited them in for some turkey and pie — which, of course, they couldn’t turn down.
Americans around the country have been encouraged by this tremendous show of courage from the Rittersons. Many say they are inspired to think about enjoying the holidays like normal as well.
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