Time Traveler Arrives From 3000 A.D. And Oh No! He’s Still Wearing A Mask!

NEW YORK CITY, NY—The world celebrated this week after a time traveller from 3000 A.D. arrived for the first time in New York City to share his wisdom with the world. That celebration turned to despair after the man emerged from his time machine wearing a COVID mask, revealing that they will still be worn 1000 years from now. 

“Greetings primitive humans!” said the traveller who introduced himself as Gorb 235-X. “I am here to learn your ways and share news of the future!” Unfortunately, hardly anyone could understand him since his face was concealed by a surgical mask.

When asked about it, Gorb replied, “Oh — you mean this thing I’m wearing on my face? I really don’t know why we wear them. I’m pretty sure humans have been wearing them for thousands of years. All I know is that if a cyborg civil enforcer catches us without them we get vaporized, so I guess we just wear them.”

The world collectively cried out in anguish at the realization that they would be forced to wear a mask for the next 30 generations.

“I’m sorry to disappoint you,” said Gorb 235-X. “But can someone please tell me where Tom Cruise is? I’m supposed to assassinate him before something terrible happens. Just trust me on this.”