Joseph Stalin To Receive International Emmy For His Outstanding Hunger Relief Efforts

NEW YORK CITY, NY—The 2020 International Emmy Awards have announced their nominees for their hotly anticipated and highly credible award ceremony this year. In addition to giving New York Governor Andrew Cuomo a leadership award for his excellent pandemic leadership and skill in not killing thousands of innocent nursing home residents, the organization has also announced another recipient: Joseph Stalin. 

According to sources, Stalin will receive a posthumous award for his outstanding hunger relief efforts. In addition, he will be honored for his masterful skill in crafting a narrative that caused even the imprisoned victims of his regime to sing his praises.

“We can’t exactly say that Stalin’s hunger relief efforts were totally successful, but he really did try,” said International Academy President & CEO, Bruce L. Paisner. “Stalin was a master at crafting a narrative. People tuned in to hear his words of wisdom, even as he starved them to death. That’s a skill worthy of honor.” 

Stalin will not be the only world leader honored at the 2020 Emmys. Here is a comprehensive list of the other nominees:

• Mikhail Gorbachev—for outstanding leadership of Chernobyl cleanup
• Kim Jong Un—for groundbreaking human rights activism
• Hugo Chavez—for innovations in decreasing population of feral cats
• Scar the Lion—for bringing together lion and hyena in the Pride Lands
• Greta Thunberg—for outstanding performance by a child actor
• Gavin Newsom—for electricity management and sidewalk cleanliness in California
• Joel Osteen—for scriptural accuracy
• Joseph Biden—for being most “clean and articulate” president since Obama
• Kamala Harris—for award-winning laugh
• Lord Denethor—for outstanding stewardship of Gondor
• Kathleen Kennedy—for excellent management of Star Wars franchise
• King Solomon—for chastity
• McDonald’s—for excellence in ice cream machine maintenance
• The International Emmys—for most legitimate award organization

“We admire all of these nominees — not so much for their real-world achievements, but for their incredible ability to make it seem like they had real-world achievements,” said Paisner. “We look forward to announcing the winners!”