MEMPHIS, TN—Churchgoers at Compelled Redemption River in the City Church have reported difficulty singing along with the worship team thanks to their new sound guy: Flash the Sloth. According to some members, Flash seems to lag behind the worship team on the stage, usually waiting several infuriating seconds into the next verse before he clicks the button to go to the next slide.
“Flash is so faithful and we appreciate his servant’s heart,” said CRRCC’s worship leader, Neo Panthadoop. “Seriously though — our congregation hasn’t sung the first line of a verse in weeks. We need to replace him but it would break his heart.”
According to sources, Flash typically waits until the entire congregation is humming along and glancing back at him to see if he’s awake before he clicks to the next slide. The church has tried giving him visual cues and even slipping extra espresso into his coffee in the morning, but nothing seems to help. “I… am… so… happy… to… serve!” he said.
The church is quietly looking for someone to take over as the new sound guy, but they’re having a really hard time since no one really knows how those soundboards even work or what sound guys really do.
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