1. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. So much material.
2. “Identifies as” jokes. Without them, we’d only have one other joke.
3. That President Trump won the election. So thankful.
4. That Souplantation went out of business. Sometimes, goodness wins.
5. The Mandalorian. This is the way.
6. G.K. Chesterton. We don’t always understand him but we love him.
7. Hillary Clinton, who is of excellent character and would never do anything to hurt us. Seriously, a stand-up gal.
8. Carman. Are you… addicted to Jesus?
9. Eight months of two weeks to flatten the curve. We are all safe now.
10. Mostly peaceful protests. So much peace.
11. Stringent Thanksgiving restrictions we can make fun of and then completely ignore. Good for satire and good for the soul.
12. The extended editions of Lord of the Rings and our wives who endure them every year. The world is changed. I feel it in the water. I feel it in the earth. I smell it in the air.
13. Our new book The Sacred Texts of The Babylon Bee Vol. 1. Wait, what? This whole thing was written just to pitch a product? Maaaaybe.
14. Viewers like you. And the letter B.
15. Joel Osteen. We really should pay him royalties.
16. Mark Zuckerberg, may he live forever. Please do not squash this post on Facebook, Mark. We love you and promise we won’t call you a lizard person anymore.
17. Essential oils. And fantastic business opportunities for you to become a #bossbabe. Ask us how!
18. Kanye West. Maybe the real election is all the Kanye West we got to enjoy along the way.
19. Non-alcoholic beverages. Mmmm that delicious grape juice buzz.
20. Everything that comes out of Joe Biden’s mouth. Every word a gift from the Lord.
21. Sappy endings to satirical articles like this one where we say we’re thankful for the gospel of grace that saved sinners like us. Now come forward to accept Christ.
Happy Thanksgiving!
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