In National Survey Of Favorite Foods, Lukewarm Bowl Of Porridge Wins 80 Million Votes

U.S.—In a surprise result from a national survey of favorite foods, the winner, with 80 million votes — blowing away the previous record of 69 million votes — was a lukewarm bowl of porridge. The soggy bowl of chopped grains has apparently exploded in popularity around the country and is now handily the most beloved food of all.

“I’m a little shocked,” said Nicolas Mills, who ran the survey. “I don’t think I’ve ever once seen anyone excited for porridge. Yet you can’t argue with these results. People love themselves a bowl of wheat and barley in milk that’s slightly above room temperature.”

Some think, though, that the result of the vote wasn’t about people’s love of porridge but was instead done to make sure a fried Twinkie wrapped in bacon — which came in second with 74 million votes — didn’t win. Many people thought the fried Twinkie wrapped in bacon was “awesome,” but perhaps an even larger segment thought it was “disgusting” and “obnoxious” and maybe chose the porridge in response.

This isn’t the first national food survey to end in controversy. The 2016 survey was accused of Russian influence in the voting even though Borscht didn’t do particularly well.