Kamala Says Biden Will Be ‘Kept Comfortable’ While A Discussion Ensues About Whether To Keep Him Alive

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In an honest and heartfelt talk with reporters, Kamala Harris discussed some of the tough decisions they now have to face in light of Biden’s ankle injury. Harris is assuring the public these decisions will be handled with the utmost sensitivity and compassion.

“I can tell you this,” said Harris. “Joe will be kept comfortable. He will be resuscitated if I wish, and then a discussion will ensue between me and my doctor about how we should move forward in the most humane way possible. In the end, this must always be the woman’s choice, and I will make this choice privately between me and my doctor.”

One reporter pointed out that Kamala’s statement was remarkably similar to what Governor Ralph Northam said about babies who survive abortions. 

“Yeah, that’s no coincidence,” said Harris. “Joe Biden’s existence is inconvenient for me and my presidential ambitions. I owe my career to the right to choose, and I will exercise that right whenever I can!”

Harris then threw back her head and cackled for five minutes straight, causing all the reporters in the room to nervously join in.

The New York Times went on to praise Harris for her tremendously sensitive treatment of such a difficult issue.