Newsom Issues Double Stay-at-Home Order Where You Have To Stay In A Smaller House Inside Your Original House

SACRAMENTO, CA—In an attempt to fight another spike in COVID-19 infections in California, Governor Gavin Newsom has issued the first ever double stay-at-home order. With the new order, people aren’t only ordered to stay in their homes no matter what, but also aren’t free to wander around their homes. Instead they have to stay inside smaller houses inside their regular homes.

“If staying home makes you safe,” Newsom told the press. “Then staying inside an even smaller home inside that home would make you double-safe. This is just basic science, as any scientist would tell you.” This statement got a nod of approval from scientist Scruffy who stood beside Newsom, though it was possible that man was just a hobo who got a lab coat at Goodwill.

With the new order, people were told to bring a bunch of snacks and a bottle to pee in to reduce the need to ever leave the smaller house. People are also ordered to wear masks while alone in their own tiny houses because, “Why not?”

Police will be going house to house and looking through the windows to make sure everyone is in their tiny houses inside their houses, though some sheriff’s offices say they won’t comply because of something called the “Constitution.” Newsom reiterated, though, that there are no exceptions to this double stay-at-home order other than if you’re a governor and really want a fancy dinner.