In ‘It’s A Wonderful Life’ Remake, Angel Tells George Bailey To Kill Himself Because He’s White

LOS ANGELES, CA—Hollywood is hard at work remaking the Jimmy Stewart classic It’s A Wonderful Life for modern audiences, and film critics are praising some recent plot leaks from the new script. In the new version of the film, George Bailey’s guardian angel will explain to him that since he is a straight white male, he should probably just go ahead and jump in the river.

Clarence the Angel will then take George Bailey on a tour of Wakanda and explain that the whole world would be like Wakanda but it’s not because of centuries of colonialism and oppression.

The updated story will feature a lengthy lecture from Clarence the Angel where he explains how George Bailey’s ancestors have systemically oppressed black and brown bodies for centuries and that the world would probably be better off without him. 

“This is exactly the It’s A Wonderful Life we need right now,” said Clover Hope, culture editor for Jezebel. “With an updated message designed to push back against decades of patriarchy, this film is sure to resonate with the writers of Jezebel!”

The film will be only 20 minutes long and it will end with George Bailey asking forgiveness for his oppression. He then donates all his life insurance money to BLM and jumps off a bridge.

Critics are hailing it as “bold,” “inspiring,” and “correct in its messaging.”