RURAL TEXAS—Elon Musk is at it again, and this time he’s created a vehicle that runs exclusively on liberal tears.
The Tesla Trans-400 is set to become the most energy-efficient vehicle the world has ever seen. Running on pure, 100 percent vegan-fed tears, Tesla’s newest creation is rumored to drive for over 6,000 miles between fill-ups.
“I had no choice but to build this vehicle,” Tesla CEO Elon Musk said in an interview. “Look, everywhere I go I’m surrounded by liberal tears. I try to save the planet with electric cars, liberal tears. I moved to Texas to avoid California’s crippling regulations, liberal tears. So as always, I work with what I’ve got. And right now I’ve got a whole lot of liberal tears.”
Liberals did not take the news well since yet another perfect vehicle that will save the planet has been produced by a man who isn’t a raging leftist. Thousands of Democrats took to the streets Wednesday to protest, but they all eventually just ended up crying it out together. Tesla didn’t miss a beat and sent several employees to collect the liberal tears for later use.
Musk’s company hopes to have the Trans-400 on the road by late 2022, which will be perfect timing since the supply of liberal tears is expected to skyrocket ahead of the U.S. midterm elections.
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