NEW YORK, NY—According to sources, New York Governor Andrew Cuomo was recently seen pushing massive barrels of COVID vaccine in the Hudson River in order to prevent non-priority populations from receiving it.
When approached by angry people on the boardwalk who accused him of wasting the precious vaccine, he replied: “Ya think this is a waste? Do ya want this vaccine to fall into the hands of the white Evangelical Christians or the Orthodox Jews? I don’t think so! I’d rather see these vaccines swim with the fishes, see?”
Liberal witnesses relented, unable to refute Cuomo’s airtight logic.
Cuomo has announced strict penalties for any health care worker caught giving the vaccine to the wrong person, ranging from fines of 10 million dollars to 15 years hard labor in Sing Sing Prison.
“As Governor, it’s my job to make important decisions, like who lives and who dies,” said Cuomo. “If you’re not one of my priority people, I guess you just need to do some soul-searching and think about what you’re doing wrong.”
Cuomo has promised to stop dumping vaccines into the river as soon as all his constituents have been vaccinated.
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