Experts Say Controlling Toddler During Church Service Burns More Calories Than Going To Gym

U.S.—After a nationwide three-year study, fitness experts revealed that trying to control a fussy toddler during a church service is more effective at burning calories than normal exercise at the gym. 

“Yeah, I think everyone who has ever tried to control a toddler in a church service already knew this,” said fitness YouTuber Cruggs Bojanks. “This data pretty much confirms what we all knew to be true.”

According to the study, trying to keep a little two-year-old bundle of depravity still during church burns more calories than jogging, swimming, weightlifting, skydiving, bear wrestling, and working in a Communist gulag. 

Experts are recommending that for improved fitness, everyone immediately have kids and take them to Sunday morning church — combined with a balanced diet.

Theologians have also revealed that mothers who deal with fussy toddlers every Sunday will be granted an upgraded spa pass in heaven.