U.S.—Facing unprecedented efforts from Big Tech to silence their infallible reporting, The Babylon Bee has announced an innovative new format known as “print.” Fans of the newspaper can now receive their news written on an anonymous, untraceable format known as a “newspaper.”
The new technology will be printed with ink on paper and hand-delivered by kids riding bikes–directly to your mailbox.
“We’ve been working hard on this technology for a long time,” said Owner Seth Dillon. “After years of research, we have finally developed a technology and distribution method that Big Tech can’t touch.”
Sources say this new paper can be enjoyed and passed around without an internet connection. After it has been read, it can be used to line the floors of bird cages or to wrap fried fish and chips.
The Babylon Bee set a lofty goal to have 20 print subscribers by the end of the decade. Unfortunately, Mark Zuckerberg quickly bought all the paper companies and barred them from selling paper to The Babylon Bee.
The Bee is now researching stone tablet technology in order to avoid censorship.
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