20,000 Troops In D.C. For Inauguration Said To Not Be Enough To Stop Trump’s Battlemech

WASHINGTON D.C.—Preparations are underway to make sure there will be a peaceful transition of power on January 20th. That has included sending 20,000 National Guard troops to D.C, though most think this will be inadequate to stop Donald Trump from ruining the event with his one-hundred-ton, fully armed battlemech.

“20,000 sounds like a lot of troops,” said General Paul Boone, who is organizing the defense of the inauguration, “but you have to understand that Trump’s battlemech has armor immune to bullets and to most explosives, short of a nuclear payload. If Trump decides to disrupt the inauguration, it will be hard to stop him.”

Trump has been secretly developing his 60-foot-tall mechanized walking tank, codenamed “MAGAtron,” for years — a gross misappropriation of funds that could’ve been an impeachable offense if Democrats hadn’t already used up all their impeachments.

There are also ominous indications he plans to use it against Biden, as Trump said on Parler, “I’m going to step on Biden — step on him with giant metal feet!” just before Parler was shut down. Trump has gone dark since then — mainly since he’s been kicked off of every internet service — though people who have gone near the White House have reportedly heard him shouting, “I’m going to ruin the inauguration! Ruin it with my mech!”

Officials are saying to be cautious if you attend the inauguration. All the National Guard troops will be armed with RPGs in hopes that some sort of sustained fire will at least slow down Trump enough for Joe Biden to complete his oath of office.