Nation Relieved As Brash, Loudmouthed Tyrant Replaced With More Polite, Civil Tyrant

WASHINGTON, D.C.—With the inauguration of Joe Biden, the era of President Trump ends and the nation finally breathes a sigh of relief as the loud, in-your-face, bumbling sort of tyranny ends and we return to the status quo of a more low-key, totally incompetent tyranny.

“I just got tired of seeing Trump on Twitter and sounding like a total idiot,” said Thomas Potter, a business consultant and Biden voter. “Biden’s idiocy will be much less in our face; he will completely screw things up while making it easier for us to pretend someone knows what they’re doing. This could be a complete return to the Obama years.”

Voters are used to their elected leaders being arrogant and complete failures, messing up everything they touch, but what they weren’t used to with Trump was a president who accurately depicted how in over his head he was. “With most presidents, we could at least pretend they knew what they were doing as long as we didn’t think very hard about their actual policies,” said Marlene Russell, another Biden voter. “I just couldn’t do that with Trump. But I think I can do that again with Biden — as long as he doesn’t give many speeches off the cuff and his handlers write his tweets for him.”

Biden is said to be preparing to screw things up right away, including raising the minimum wage while small businesses are failing and pushing an amnesty offer for illegal immigrants with no extra enforcement, and expects to back this up with some well-written statements so it doesn’t sound as dumb and irresponsible as it actually is.