WASHINGTON, D.C.—With a new administration taking over, the White House press corps marked the special occasion by wearing their newly issued uniforms: blue and white cheerleading outfits emblazoned with Biden’s name.
“Please don’t take this to mean we will not be fair and objective journalists during the Biden administration,” said Jim Acosta of CNN as he adjusted his skirt. “We will continue to go after the president like we always have– wait… Joe Biden is coming! EEEEEEEEEEE!” Acosta then began to jump up and down, shaking his pom-poms.
“How dare you insinuate that I’m anything less than impartial when covering the president!” said MSNBC reporter Jane Seelie. “I’m a proud journalist and I have no problem holding Biden’s feet to the fire on questions about how his dogs are doing, or how he plans to protect our country from MAGA terrorists, or how he has so much stamina at his age. I will always ask the tough questions as long as he still gives me his autograph and lets me wear his jacket for the weekend.”
The press corps went wild as Press Secretary Jen Psaki entered the room. Three young reporters in the front row fainted. From the back row, NBC Correspondent Peter Alexander led the group in a cheer.
“Give me a B! Give me an I! Give me a D! Give me an E! Give me an N! What’s that spell? BIDEN!”
“Fricka-fracka firecracker, sis boom bah, JOE BIDEN, JOE BIDEN, RAH RAH RAH!”
“Yeah, we’re just having a bit of fun,” said Alexander. “We are very impartial and serious journalists. Trust us.”
Jesus Christ is King
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