If Tucker Carlson Were On the Air in 1941

On December 21, Ukrainian president Volodymyr Zelensky delivered a speech to the United States Congress, which was well received by most representatives from both parties.  Tucker Carlson criticized the speech, and its warm reception, on his nightly show.  I find myself in agreement with Carlson on most issues — but we, being conservatives, celebrate the freedom to disagree with one another.  And while the able Carlson had valid points to make, his overall spiel on this particular event was Manichean and easily refutable.  The conservative case for Ukraine I’ll leave for another article, but for now, here is a parody of how Carlson might hypothetically respond had he been around for Winston Churchill’s speech to the Congress on December 26, 1941.  Chill out, and enjoy it in the spirit given.

Winston Churchill arrived at our Capitol yesterday decked out in a top hat and a bow tie, sporting a watch fob, the quintessential British aristocrat.  Dressed like this, like a local viceroy inspecting a backwater province, he dared to address representatives of the American people.  Maybe it was an intentional insult, meant to remind us of our place in the hierarchy.  Or maybe he’s forgotten how we rejected his monarchy’s caste system way back at Saratoga and Yorktown.

Well, he was in good company.  Because our so-called “representatives” were in no mood to remind him.  There they were, dutifully applauding a foreign warlord, ready to take his orders, ready to provide him with whatever weapons and cash he demanded.  Not one congressman called him out on his insulting demeanor.  Maybe it’s because they aspire to be like him.  Maybe they tire of our messy democracy and want to return to an elitist oligarchy.  We’ve come a long way from Washington and Adams.

Not to worry, though.  One of Churchill’s parents was American, and he made sure you were aware of that.  He speaks glowingly of the American working class.  He is honored that his “forebears” have played their part in American life.  He’s one of us, you see.  A brother in arms.  A trusted comrade.  You can almost hear the sounds of our representatives opening their wallets… really, our wallets… to pony up to his demands.

And Churchill has certainly been busy since his arrival.  Perhaps inadvertently, he let slip that his purpose is to meet with President Roosevelt and “high officers” in order to map out “military plans”.  Military plans?  Were you aware of this?  Were our elected representatives aware of this?  Do these “military plans” revolve around the British helping Americans in the Pacific, or to Americans helping the British in Europe?  Care to wager?

We’re already at war with Japan, a war our president instigated by cornering them.  When we cut off their oil, what did we expect the reaction to be?  I suppose our all-war-all-the-time neocons didn’t give it much thought.  Or maybe they did.  The only lobbyists busier than Churchill right now are our domestic arms manufacturers, and they’ve been meeting with your elected representatives to discuss how to best profit from Japan’s “surprise” attack.  The Swamp will profit.  Boeing, Studebaker, and Lockheed will profit.  And you, the American citizen, will pay for it.  You’ll bleed and die on uninhabited islands in the middle of nowhere, because our leaders care more about the borders of Korea and China than they do about ours.

And now, this foreign lord commands us to open a second war of aggression against sovereign democratic nations.  Not a single German or Italian boot has trod American soil, or bullet has killed an American soldier, nor will it anytime soon.  Yes, Hitler declared war on us, but did we give him a choice?  Since our unprovoked invasion of Germany in 1917 and the humiliating Versailles “peace” we enforced at gunpoint, we’ve been cornering them for nearly three decades.  What did we expect?  Hitler does not want to storm the beaches of Virginia and Massachusetts.  Hitler wants our swamp warmongers to mind their own business, for once.  And if it feels like Hitler cares more about the lives of American farmers and factory workers than do their own representatives, it’s because he does.

Nor did anyone call Churchill or his Empire out on their so-called democracy.  Sure, the middling and upper classes of Great Britain might get their say.  But millions of Indians, Kenyans, and Nepalese might feel differently.  Not to mention the Irish.  The German empire is a fraction of what the British Empire is, in both size and longevity.  But we’re to believe the former is worse.  Maybe Churchill just hates competition.

What does Churchill want help with?  Getting the Germans to stop bombing London?  Pushing the Germans out of France?  Fair enough.  But that’s not what Churchill is demanding.  Churchill wants regime change in Germany, the German electorate be damned. We tried that already — in Germany — and we left behind a failed state.  And what if we “win” again?  What does regime change look like?  A puppet German government, as legitimate as Quisling’s government in Norway?  A Nazi government but without Hitler?  Total disarmament?  Military occupation?  Denazification?  How much will that cost?  How many will die to achieve it?  How many years will it take?  Does anyone know?  Does anyone even have a plan?  Strangely, neither Churchill nor his American eunuchs answered any of this.  But rest assured, you will be the ones they draft to fight for it.  That’s the only one of their lists that you’re not at the bottom of.

Churchill admonishes Americans because “only a portion” of our resources have been mobilized for yet another British-instigated full blown world war.  All you Dust Bowl farmhands, all you urban unemployed standing in bread lines, all you blue-collar Americans struggling through a decade of economic depression, Churchill thinks you should stop being so selfish.  You are not making enough sacrifices to defend his monarchy.  And your elected representatives agree.

So in addition to Japan, we’re going to war against Germany as well.  Young men across the fruited plain, where would you rather fight and die?  On some rock in the Pacific, to protect Korea’s borders?  Or on some plain in France, to protect Churchill’s monarchy that not too long ago invaded our country and burned down the White House?  Don’t worry, that choice will be made for you.

And when will it end?  Who knows?  Churchill himself said the war could drag on into 1944 or beyond.  So three years, at minimum, of total world war against a soon-to-be nuclear power.  And our leaders can’t wait to plunge us into it, to plunge you into it, headfirst.

His racist caricatures of his monarchy’s former ally shine through in full force.  He refers to Germans as “the Hun” and describes them as “savage”.  He calls Germany a “germ center”.  So it’s not just Hitler he has a problem with.  It’s the German people.  And he wants you to feel the same way, to hate strangers you’ve never met an ocean away.

This crumpet munching, yellow toothed mercenary shows up dressed like the Monopoly guy and casually informs us that he expects we sacrifice yet another generation of American youth to fix his mess.  He frames it as a war of civilization in which America and Britain are suddenly the self-appointed guardians.  Really?  Were we given a say about this?  And what’s in it for us?

Another decade or two of peace before you Europeans are at each other’s throats again and come demanding help?  Or after we defeat Fascist Germany for you, will you want us to then defeat Communist Russia for you?  Will we get anything for it besides a few well-kept cemeteries?  What’s going on here?  Do we want to die for Belgium?  Was Italy ever aggressive towards us?

Has our government provided any evidence whatsoever that Roosevelt didn’t know about Pearl Harbor beforehand?  Has it ever been proven that the so-called “attack” on Fort Sumter wasn’t a Lincoln-Zionist conspiracy?  Is it still the official line that there was an actual “assassination attempt” against Lorenzo de’Medici, which conveniently failed and allowed him to take complete control of Florence?  Or that the Children’s Crusade just up and disappeared without a trace?  Or that Socrates quote unquote killed himself?  Was hemlock even available in Greece back then?  Does anyone know?  Does anyone ask?  What’s behind all this?

One word:  Power.

Image: Free image, Pixabay license, no attribution required.