February 5, 2023

Discipline was always hard for me. (My wife claimed that the word “sap” was written in neon letters on my forehead.) But I must credit myself with a few amazingly effective techniques I developed over the years, all of which mesh with conservative principles about self-reliance and the free market. My techniques are the exact opposite of helicopter parenting (the middle-class norm for the past thirty years) and, I believe, much more effective.

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Our daughter was born in 1992, and it was the happiest day of my life (that is, except for every other day that I have spent with her). I swear she smiled at me as soon as she popped out of mom. Some claim it must have been just gas, but I remember a real smile. (Oh, yeah, my wife objects when I say “popped out,” assuring me that it is a good thing that men do not give birth.)

Her first word was “go” (pointing up at the spinning ceiling fan), her second word was “hi” (to everybody she met), but her third word was “daddy”! My daughter and I were extraordinarily close throughout her childhood. We are still close even though she has been married for six years.

My daughter, once in school, was very much a scatterbrain. For years she would forget to bring home items necessary for homework and assignments. This necessitated frequent trips back to the school to retrieve said documents, books, or whatever. While her mother was the most frequent emergency chauffeur, I did my share as well. Once back at school, my daughter would sweet-talk the custodian into letting her into the classroom, and off we went back home.

Image: A girl and her schoolbooks by master1305.

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By third grade, two frustrated parents were ready to simply let her take the “F” on the assignment. And, maybe most of the readers of American Thinker would agree that doing so is the best approach. But, I came up with an idea that ultimately worked like a charm: a free market approach to parenting.

I devised a sliding fee scale that she would have to pay to get a ride back to school to retrieve something she had forgotten. In elementary school, a ride back would cost a modest $5; in middle school, this jumped to $10; and in high school, it was a whopping $15.

I don’t know if my daughter took it seriously when I first imposed this sliding scale, but upon forgetting a needed book for a weekend assignment in third grade, she had no choice but to hand over five bucks to mom. It was completely unfair, of course, since she earned that five bucks helping around the house. She paid, but not without the unhappy expression that her mom called “schnugger face.”

Eventually (or should I say slowly), the forgetfulness began to give way to a more attentive approach to schoolwork. Yes, she still forgot items, but at least she had to decide for herself if the loss of grade (and the subsequent disapproval of her parents) was worth the dough. She began to learn how to prioritize. If a missed assignment was worth only a few points, she might just decide to hold onto the money. But, if it were an important assignment or something she was really good at, well, she would just have to get out her money.

Handing over ten bucks of hard-earned money as a sixth grader was no laughing matter. I can recall only once in high school that the poor dear had to pay $15 because of a forgotten paper or book. By then, she realized the stakes were high, and the costs were correspondingly high as well.

Just to be a nudge, I would sometimes knock on her bedroom door, and upon being admitted, I would ask her if there was anything she needed to go back to school to retrieve. I said that I was available and only too happy to oblige. Fully aware that she was being messed with, she would reply, “Noooooo.” I would tell her that I was a bit short of cash and that I was just looking to earn a few bucks! Eye-roll and schnugger-face!