Nolte: Judy Blume’s ‘Are You There God?’ Movie Flops After Author’s Woke LGBTQIA2S+ Moralizing

We were told Judy Blume’s Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret. would be a big hit, would open somewhere between $18 and $23 million.

It opened to $6 million, which makes it a straight-up flop.

Will the left-wing Hollywood sycophants in the media blame bad reviews for this flop? Sadly for them, this time, they cannot. A 99 percent fresh at Rotten Tomatoes makes Are You There God? one of the best-reviewed movies in… history.

Can the sycophants blame the flop on women’s movies not being popular? Sadly for them, they cannot. Not with Everything Everywhere All at Once ($69M), Ticket to Paradise ($67M), Where the Crawdads Sing ($90M),  and The Woman King ($67M) making respectable bank.

Can they blame a lack of publicity? Sadly for them, they cannot. After being forgotten for 30 years, the corporate media banded together this year to resurrect the 85-year-old young adult author in a way I’ve never seen before. Blume has been treated like an unearthed god everywhere in media, including a Netflix documentary.

So what are the desperate liars and water carriers blaming this flop on?

Stand back and prepare yourself to be amazed at the shamelessness.

They’re blaming it on the China Flu…

Margaret‘s prime audience are now moviegoers who are slow to make their way to theaters, and even slower post pandemic: over-50 Caucasian women.

HAHAHAHAHAHA…. How many of these over-50 Caucasian women went to see Top Gun: Maverick?

No one is more cynical about the corporate media than yours truly. At this point, it’s hard to surprise me. But I have to admit, that surprised me. The willingness of people to publicly debase themselves, especially in the corporate media, has no bottom.

Here’s my theory about why Are You There God? flopped, which has to start with some background.

Are You There God? was published in 1970; a coming-of-age novel about the title character (Margaret, not God), a 12-year-old dealing with all things adolescent—that first crush, what it means to have a Christian mother and Jewish father, her maturing body and first period, learning about sex, the hypocrisies of suburban life, and all the bigotry that comes at the hands of conservative Christians.

Per the almost uniform glowing reviews, the movie, which was dropped into 3,343 theaters Friday, was both a faithful and affectionate adaptation full of nostalgia and laughs. So what could have possibly gone wrong?

Here’s my theory…

At the time (the 70s and 80s), consuming edgy pop culture, like Are You There God?, or Blume’s later young adult novels with parts as explicit as Penthouse Forum (which I remember reading), felt rebellious and naughty. This was before the Internet, even before home video or cable TV. In those days, access to the kind of material that—intentionally or not—wedged itself between the influence of parent and child was hard to come by. I still remember the tattered community Playboy a bunch of us hid in a plastic bag under a dumpster.

Without question, because of who her material was aimed at, Blume attempted to go around parents and influence children during their formative years. She thought she knew better than our mom and dad. She believed teaching 12-year-olds about sex, masturbation, and puberty was appropriate. Blume also believed she knew better how to approach an issue as consequential as religious faith. She might have done this with the best intentions, but that is what she did. This attempt to influence kids behind the back of their parents is something  her biggest fan love most about Blume:

Blume’s books matter because they give teens and preteens the kind of information that leaves adults unsettled — and because they’re books, consumed privately, at one’s own pace, on one’s own terms. They’re a secret conversation that feels like independence.

So back to the movie…

Who’s the audience for this?

Well, it’s people my age; I’m 57—but guess what? I’ve changed since the 1970s and 1980s. My values have changed, especially regarding sexualizing children under the age of consent. What felt edgy and transgressive as a kid now feels a little icky. Sure, I feel nostalgia for many of my naughty moments, but that’s where the nostalgia ends. Now that I’m (hopefully) wiser and more mature, I have no desire to go back and consume the naughty material, especially something that mocks my current beliefs. As a conservative Christian who thinks the suburbs are awesome and loveless, underage sex is destructive; why would I want to see this movie, or recommend it to my kids or grandkids?

And I think this is true for most people my age.

There’s a reason Judy Blume was forgotten for 30 years, and no amount of corporate hype can fool us into revisiting something we long ago outgrew.

Oh yeah, and don’t discount her woke outrage about laws protecting kids from groomers — or her cowardly abandonment of fellow author J.K. Rowling.

Follow John Nolte on Twitter @NolteNC. Follow his Facebook Page here.

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