Who would have thought perpetual adolescent Jonah Hill would be good at grown-up relationships? Well, he is, judging by some apparent texts his surfer ex-girlfriend Sarah Brady shared to Instagram over the weekend — despite the out-of-control media screeching to the contrary.
Emotional abuse. That’s the charge that’s been levied at Hill, the 39-year-old actor and comedian known for titles like “Superbad” and “21 Jump Street.” According to Brady and the TikTokkers, self-proclaimed therapists, media, and fellow thirst-trappers who came to her defense, Hill is a controlling narcissist and misogynist — all for the crime of allegedly asking his then-girlfriend to please put on some clothes.
Specifically, Hill laid down some boundaries for his partner. Here’s one of the main texts for which he’s under fire:
Plain and simple: If you need: Surfing with men[,] Boundaryless inappropriate friendships with men[,] to model[,] to post pictures of yourself in a bathing suit[,] to post sexual pictures[,] friendships with women who are in unstable places and from your wild recent past beyond getting a lunch or coffee or something respectful[,] I am not the right partner for you. If these things bring you to a place of happiness I support it and there will be no hard feelings. These are my boundaries for romantic partnership.
Hill’s detractors say this is “emotional abuse.” But can something really be described as “abuse” if the alleged perpetrator tells you “no hard feelings” if you’d rather walk away than agree to the terms? Others say it’s the actor using “therapy talk” about “boundaries” to “control his girlfriend.” According to one viral TikTok from TherapyJeff, who describes himself as a licensed professional counselor, Hill is misusing the term “boundaries.”
“A boundary is a healthy limit a person sets for themselves to protect their well-being and integrity. It is a rule or guideline that one creates to identify reasonable, safe, and permissible ways for others to behave towards them, and how they’ll respond when someone passes those limits,” the TikTokker said, claiming that’s not what Hill did.
Isn’t it? To protect the health and integrity of his relationship, Hill established reasonable and respectable parameters for how his girlfriend was to behave toward him through how she acted toward other men. Don’t sexualize yourself for other guys or engage in other relationship-compromising behaviors. And he made clear how he would respond if she didn’t respect those limits. I’m not the right man for you.
Call it boundaries, expectations, standards, or whatever else you want — “therapy speak” is all semantics. Communicating about do’s and don’ts in relationships is what serious adults do.
But our resident TikTok therapist had more to say: “Side note: I bet he loved how hot Sarah looked in her posts before they got together.”
At the risk of sounding ambivalent about modesty … So? How women should channel their innate sex appeal is a great discussion for another day, but the operative phrase here is “before they got together.” As much as Brady’s defenders want to appeal to her “autonomy” and Hill’s alleged attempts to control or restrict it, the unavoidable fact is that when you enter a relationship, you check your unbridled autonomy at the door. Autonomy, or total self-rule, only really holds up when the only person you have to worry about is your “self.”
Enter feminism, which loves female autonomy and sold women lots of lies about it. Feminism said love yourself. If that means wreaking all kinds of havoc, your second “X” chromosome trumps the consequences. Unrestrained sex and unintended pregnancy? Abort the baby. Not happy in your marriage? Divorce him. Unfulfilled at home? Leave the kids with an underpaid immigrant and climb that corporate ladder. No boundaries. No bonds. No bras.
But news flash: Relationships take two. And sadly, thanks to that third-wave wrecking ball, some dating women need to be told some obvious things when it comes to romantic fidelity, even if those things have to come from their partners: Seeking the approval of other men for how you look is a bad idea. Worse, it communicates lots of bad things about your priorities and desires.
Frankly, a man who’s willing to say that tough thing is probably a man worth holding onto. Thanks in part to “toxic masculinity” messaging and the militant feminization of America, a man who shoots for commitment and faithfulness, and communicates those aims in a straightforward way while proposing an amicable split as the alternative, is a rarity. Young men who hope for successful relationships with marriageable women should look to Hill’s above text message as model communication.
Which brings us to another news flash: Boundaries in relationships are a two-way street. Ladies, you should be setting your own rules. Does your man habitually text or invest emotionally in other women? Who are his confidants in the office? Does he value his mom’s opinion over yours? Does he post thirst-trap photos or act inappropriately on boys’ night? Is there anyone you have to vie with for his attention?
Obsessing over every move your partner makes is a bright red warning sign: TRUST ISSUES. But expecting your partner to be trustworthy is Healthy Relationships 101.
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