October 19, 2023

During the attack on Israel, a member of Hamas grabs a Jewish girl. He lies down on top of her, comes to orgasm, stands up, and shoots her. What kind of sadistic twists were already present in his head that allowed the softness of sexual relations to be entwined with the violence of murder?

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No one asks this question in America because it means looking deeper than most people want. But it needs to be asked since it is central to the problem of future peace or the lack thereof. Everyone knows there are cultural differences between people. Do some differences make it impossible to co-mingle groups? Yes, indeed! It is particularly true in the case of Arabs and Jews.

Sexuality between family members among the Jews is seen as destructive to family unity. Violations are condemned roundly. Among Arabs, sexuality is part of the family package. The most common manifestation is polygamy. Most American women expect exclusivity in marriage. It provides financial and social security, as well as clear lines of inheritance for their children.

This is a complex topic since most Arab males do not engage in polygamy. Nonetheless, it is incumbent upon Westerners to understand that polygamy may be the force that most disrupts relations between Arabs and Westerners, because it causes an unnatural social condition where there is a chronic shortage of women. If one man takes four wives, three men go without. It is an arithmetical inevitability.

Image: An Arab man with his three wives and two servants (1892-1893).

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In the olden days, this problem was addressed by attacking neighboring villages to kill the men and take the girls and women. Always the strong killing the weak. Moreover, these extra men made up a willing army to go to war since success led to family life, status, and a slave to keep house while the husband sat at the coffee house with his friends. This situation is best described as “women as objects.”

For the man, sexual appetite was always to be fulfilled upon demand. This made for some really unhappy women. Failure of the woman to comply or be happy about it could easily lead to the entrance of a new and younger wife. All children belonged to the men, so divorce would lead to women alone on the street, bereft of their children and means of support.

Now, we get to the hub of things. All men of every culture have always been exempt from diaper changing. There has always been the small but not zero possibility of his making the child into a sexual object—boy or girl—especially if marital relations were strained. Unfortunately, this insight is true of women as well, especially under conditions of unhappiness.

There is also the issue of the ever-present pure ignorance of the consequences of early sexual arousal. The infant, toddler, or child—as an object—is not in control of the stimulation of the one or the other parent. It is my contention that such early stimulation creates a form of confusion of sexuality and violence on the one hand and affection on the other.

Non-sexual affection draws the youngest members of the family closer together with parents, siblings, cousins, aunts, and uncles, and even the occasional strangers who enter the house like family friends. However, if sexuality is imposed by others (including all of the above), that makes people, particularly children, afraid of one another. Sex is always an imposition. Thus, the need for affection that undercuts the innate violence of the sexual act.

The thesis here is that the dysfunctional Arab family reflects how sexuality is manifest in the early lives of the children.