A self-described “Catholic accelerationist” writer on X just earned 2 million views with his hot take on finding a traditional complementarian wife. Justin Murphy writes:
“Men, just marry a hot lower-IQ girl from a rural church, one who is simple and practical and faithful.
You don’t need or want impressive opinions about foreign films. “A little retarded but I love ’em” —words spoken by many happy husbands (and many happy wives no less)”
Like Mr. Murphy here, I, too, want bachelors to find hot wives. Trying to find a hot, faithful wife is already difficult in modern America. If you want to make it even harder, try deliberately eliminating smart women from your prospects. Imagine the struggle of young men attending competitive colleges. Attractive ladies everywhere — and all too smart to date.
Diminishing the value of intelligence in wives in even the most complementarian arrangement is just really bad advice. It’s not intelligence that’s the real threat some men perceive (men who probably follow Murphy’s account), it’s the bossiness, godlessness, arrogance, and strong focus on career over home and family life that are often found in smart, educated women. Especially given the country’s limited dating pool of hot chicks, bachelors would do well to parse intelligence from other characteristics they don’t like, because intelligence in a wife is advantageous, particularly to the man who has the brains and ambition to really make a splash in the world.
Everyone across the IQ bell curve deserves a chance at marital happiness, of course, and many near the tail ends do find it. Young men should stop and think, however, about the fruit Murphy’s advice might have yielded if given 200 years ago, when food and warmth in the winter depended on shrewd calculations and using one’s intellect to make the most with what you have. Very stupid women would have jeopardized their family’s welfare, not enhanced it.
Particularly in this globally turbulent environment when we don’t know what’s coming next, intelligence is an asset that shouldn’t be overlooked by bachelors. I’m not saying one should marry for purely survivalist reasons — far from it. But also consider who you want by your side when the proverbial crap hits the fan.
Why Wouldn’t You Want an Intelligent Wife?
Still today, even with all our technology and food security, running a household well and forging a way through life requires some brain power. When making important life decisions, two non-stupid people will fare better than one or two who aren’t too bright. Husbands need wives who will not try to boss them around, but bring in another perspective and help identify solutions. “But what about this? What about that? Could we approach it this way?”
Intelligence doesn’t always manifest in college diplomas or how fast a girl can multiply in her head. But men should know that even a nurturing wife who doesn’t bring her creativity and problem-solving to bear on domestic affairs will create a home life that is bland and uncomfortable. This also takes practice, but simple things like where to put an end table, what color and fabric the drapes are, and what you choose to leave on your kitchen counter (you think I’m exaggerating — I’m not), make a difference in how the home itself feels, whether it promotes calm and enjoyment or restlessness and irritation.
Emotional intelligence should also be prized in wives, especially if they hope to be mothers, as strife arises easily when children and stress are day-to-day realities. Emotional intelligence is correlated with general IQ.
Not to mention, an intelligent man would likely tire of having a wife who can’t think even close to his level. As it turns out, research and likely your own observations of couples around you show that people of similar intelligence tend to match up with one another. This is not something that should be discouraged based on the mistaken idea that smart, educated women have all adopted character traits you dislike, such as bossiness, pretentiousness, and metropolitan taste (as opposed to the supposed tastes of women in “rural churches”) or high-powered career ambition.
If men begin to take this advice that “dumber is better,” it will have consequences for how women perceive a traditional complementarian role — in fact removing even more ladies from the courtship pool. Turning “low-IQ” into a desirable trait promotes the very silly idea that if a wife “stays home,” she doesn’t have to challenge her brain. This is false, and I can speak from personal experience. Smart women who think they’ll be bored to death at home will certainly set their sights on full-time work and pass on the rich and challenging home life you just downplayed as a lifestyle for dimwits.
None of this is to say a woman’s intellectual weakness can’t be vastly outweighed in marital happiness by her faithfulness, good nature, and love. It certainly can. We should encourage women to use the gifts God gave them, whether intelligence or kindness or grace, to serve their families and the world.
Indeed, what’s more important than finding a woman who is smart on paper is finding a woman who is wise. “For he who finds wisdom finds life and obtains favor from the Lord” (Proverbs 8:35). Wisdom doesn’t always correlate to intelligence, and in the end, the wise woman will support her husband’s ambitions and well-being in ways a discontented and worldly Harvard graduate cannot.
Men, find yourselves hot wives, but don’t let bad internet advice deceive you into thinking the one you’re most compatible with isn’t just as smart as you are.
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