January 24, 2024

I don’t know about you, but if I’m ever anesthetized and under the surgeon’s knife, I would prefer the chap on the other end of the scalpel be focused solely on correcting my ailment, stitching me up, and most importantly keeping me alive.  Ah, but I would prefer that, wouldn’t I, inherent bigot that I am?

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Thankfully, the luminaries at Ohio State University now offer a course in which aspiring health professionals, particularly those lacking melanin, are invited to…wait for it…confront their privilege!  Because if you’re an anti-racist, then that’s what you want your surgeon worrying about.  His privilege.  Not your open chest. 

According to the Ohio State University course, this privilege “protected me from many kinds of hostility, distress, and violence, which I was being subtly trained to visit, in turn, upon people of color.”  Gotcha.  So not only am I protected from minority violence, but I am subtly being violent and hostile toward minorities.  That certainly would explain my nasty habit of roaming the Chicago streets in sub-zero weather, noose and bleach in hand, ever on the prowl for the unwary Subway-frequenting gay actor of color. 

The documented evidence may suggest otherwise.  The FBI statistics illustrate that whites are over five times more likely to suffer violent crime at the hands of blacks than vice versa.  But statistics are racist.  Whom are you gonna believe, the wokerati at Ohio State University or your own gaping bullet wound? 

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Progressives approach scientific questions in reverse order from how we flyover rubes do.  We would look at the success or failure of an individual and apply the scientific method to determine the causes thereof.  Progressives determine the cause (i.e., privilege or oppression) beforehand and then cherry-pick their way backwards to shoehorn whatever evidence, real or imagined, into the hypothesis.

Any evidence that contradicts their hypothesis is ignored or vilified.  Because the scientific method is racist.  Hence, the conclusion that whatever success I enjoy has nothing to do with hard work, persistence, intelligence, honesty, and integrity and everything to do with an invisible and unconscious yet omnipresent racism that only the progressives themselves are capable of detecting.

This Freudian “if you deny being racist, that’s just proof of how much you’ve repressed your racism” approach cannot be falsified.  Nobody can prove he’s not racist.  This is what the scientific world refers to as a non-verifiable hypothesis, and it cannot be used as evidence to verify a claim.  This extends to our legal culture as well, as the burden of proof falls on the accused to prove innocence, not the accuser to prove guilt. 

Such ideas are, of course, racist.

But since the left has predetermined that my “privileges” are solely responsible for any and every one of my advantages in life, I was curious to examine these privileges within the context of the social structures around me.  To be honest, what I found shocked me, and completely validated the left’s claims against my entire race.  Here are but a few of the privileges that I, as a white person, enjoy:

  • I enjoy all-white colleges.  At colleges where non-whites are permitted to attend, I enjoy all-white dorms, fraternities, and other campus organizations.  I enjoy administrative bureaucrats enforcing DIE orthodoxy, which ensures that I, as a white person, am provided “safe spaces” far away from people “of color” and their dangerous, unorthodox opinions and ideas.
  • I enjoy my own national anthem, played at sporting events with the intention of kowtowing to my race alone.  For everyone else, there’s “The Star-Spangled Banner,” during the playing of which I am encouraged to sit, kneel, and exhibit as much disrespect as I can.
  • I enjoy White History Month, during which time schools across the land are required to focus not only on white history, but specifically on times in history during which whites were the victims and non-whites were the oppressors.
  • I enjoy Noventeenth, a holiday marking the first Treaty of Tripoli, which outlawed the enslavement of white Americans by North African Muslims (who, it should be noted, promptly violated the terms).
  • I enjoy Kwhitezaa, a holiday for whites by whites to celebrate exclusively white heritage and white empowerment, and invented out of thin air by a white power activist who spent time in prison for kidnapping and torturing women.
  • I enjoy exclusive rights to my culture, as I see fit to define it.  Any non-white guilty of “stealing” my culture can be justly accused of cultural appropriation.  Also, I can appropriate the culture of non-whites to my heart’s content.
  • I enjoy representation in our legislature by the White Congressional Caucus, which advances laws designed to benefit me solely along racial lines, to the detriment of every other race.
  • I enjoy White Entertainment Television and White Music Awards shows.  I enjoy exclusively white magazines such as Ivory and White Enterprise.
  • I enjoy movie remakes, especially from Disney, in which the original non-white characters are recast as white.  But only as the protagonists.  And no characters who were originally white are ever recast as non-white.  I enjoy the disclaimers put on older cartoons apologizing for the crude caricatures of white physical appearances and vocal accents, such as PePe Le Pew, the Mario Brothers, Groundskeeper Willie, Yosemite Sam, Timothy Q. Mouse, Trusty and Jock, and countless others.  
  • I enjoy product brands removing crude white stereotypes from their products, like Lucky Charms and Quaker Oats.  I enjoy sports teams like the Minnesota Vikings, the Pittsburgh Pirates, and the Notre Dame Fighting Irish who likewise change their team names and make the proper apologies to the whites they’ve unfairly disparaged as a gaggle of violent savages.  
  • I enjoy an embedded narrative that treats any negative interaction between me and a member of another race as proof of racist intent by the other person.
  • I enjoy a national media establishment that will believe any story I tell, no matter how utterly nonsensical, that involves me being beaten, threatened, or otherwise attacked by a member of another race.  Even when ironclad evidence arises that the incident was fabricated, that same media establishment will nonetheless defend me for giving voice to “my truth.”
  • I enjoy knowing that if I do commit a crime against a member of another race, the media will downplay the racial element and focus on my “access” to whatever inanimate weapon I used or on my “poverty.”  If a non-white commits a crime against me, I know that the media will focus entirely on the racial element, even if it is entirely circumstantial, and will use this singular example as evidence of widespread, systemic racism against whites.
  • I enjoy the international pushes for recognition of, and reparations for, both the land stolen from indigenous peoples, and also their murder and enslavement by the millions, by genocidal Islamic supremacists who laid waste to entire Christian, Jewish, and polytheist civilizations across Arabia, Persia, Byzantium, North Africa, and southern Europe for almost 1,400 years now and counting.

White privilege!  Is there anything it can’t do?