February 12, 2024

America’s political system is based on two parties, Republicans and Democrats. Given that the collective differences between the two parties are minimal, they are referred to as the uni-party, the ruling class, or simply “the swamp.”

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As humans, we share 70 percent of our DNA with slugs. Republicans and Democrats probably share at least that much in terms of policies and priorities.

As you can tell, I hold little party in high regard, and am registered independent/unaffiliated because as Groucho Marx once said, “I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.” Either party will welcome me as a member only if I offer them my email address, phone number, and a credit card number.

I have names for both parties. Democrats are the “evil party” and Republicans are the “stupid party.”

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Democrats are evil because they support the murder of full-term babies and encourage confused teenagers to surgically mutilate their bodies for short term adulation but long-term misery, as the New York Times surprisingly pointed out. They want to control people, sacrificing individual liberty and free expression in favor of what they perceive as the “collective good.”

They believe themselves to be their own higher power. Their version of “natural law” is their whims of the day rather than “unalienable rights” endowed by our Creator.

Republicans are stupid because they cannot articulate or enact any opposition to Democrat evil. They believe principled opposition is a watered-down version of Democrat policy. Like a battered spouse or child, Republicans crawl back to their abusers, hoping for a different outcome or a brief smile before the beatings resume.

Former Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal may have coined this phrase, although Republicans were stupid long before. At a speech to the Republican National Committee in 2013, he told his audience, “We must stop being the stupid party. It’s time for a new Republican Party that talks like adults.”

A few past examples include President George H.W. Bush famously saying “Read my lips, no new taxes” then promptly raising taxes and losing reelection to an Arkansas slickster. President Ronald Reagan signed an immigration reform bill in 1986 granting amnesty to 3 million illegal migrants in exchange for enhanced border security and employer penalties for hiring illegal workers.

We got amnesty and a bunch of new Democrat voters, but the rest never materialized, like Lucy pulling away the football as Charlie Brown was about to kick it.