February 26, 2024
Arguably the strangest country in the world is one which most have not heard of. I speak of Turkmenistan, a landlocked country in Central Asia. It is bordered by Uzbekistan to the north, Afghanistan to the east, Iran to the south, and the Caspian Sea to the west.
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I traveled there recently with my son on his quest to visit every country in the world. He is now about 80 percent of the way there. We arrived via Istanbul, a middle of the night flight to Ashgabat, the capitol city of Turkmenistan.
Standing at the edge of the Darvaza Gas Crater
The airport was beautiful and pristine, adorned with marble and gold. Taking photos was verboten as the numerous police officers reminded us.
Getting through immigration to the terminal required six passport checks. Turkmenistan does not seem the type of country that the rest of the world is trying to sneak into.
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A COVID test was also required, which we had to pay for. The swab barely entered my nose, but I think the objective was the fee, not the actual test. Turkmenistan locked down hard during COVID and was one of the last countries to reopen.
A difficult-to-obtain visa is necessary to visit, one of the reasons why Turkmenistan only sees 20-30 foreign tourists a day, less than 10,000 per year, mostly from neighboring countries. Once part of the Soviet Union, it is now an independent country ruled by a charismatic dictator in a cult-of-personality manner. America had one of those too, about a dozen years ago.
As in any dictatorship, rules are strict and harshly enforced. There is no free internet, specifically no news or social media available to residents or visitors. Technically the internet and Wi-Fi worked but almost every website was blocked.
Surprisingly we could do Google searches, reading the search results but unable to access any subsequent links. Wikipedia was also unblocked, where ironically I could easily read about human rights abuses in Turkmenistan. A blocked internet makes it difficult for travel, changing or confirming flights, accommodations, and so on.
Most residents access the web via ever changing VPNs and many of the younger residents are active on social media. The government cracks down on these VPNs but as one is shut down, a new one appears. Where there’s a will, there’s a way.
Some stores in the mall displayed their Instagram handles, surprising if the internet is blocked. Perhaps the blocking is more for show and control.
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Ashgabat is a cross between North Korea and Las Vegas, with beautiful, clean, and wide roadways, adorned with ornate streetlights. Buildings are made of marble, white and shining in the high desert, a climate like Denver.
Ornate monuments adorn the city, celebrating political leaders and anniversaries of independence from the USSR. They boast the world’s largest indoor Ferris wheel, which we rode, completely alone. It seemed an odd way for a country to make it into the Guinness Book of World Records.
Turkmenistan boasts the largest indoor Ferris wheel
At one point, Turkmenistan also boasted the world’s tallest flagpole. But they now rank number eight. There must be something about tall flagpoles and dictatorships. The tallest ones are in the Middle East or Southern Asia, not in the West. Might be a Freudian thing.
One of many monuments in Ashgabat
“Alone” was a common theme as we saw few people in the city, parks or around the Vegas-like marble apartment buildings housing government workers, much of the population. Despite the strict rules, we had a free afternoon to roam the city unattended and walking behind some of the apartment complexes revealed actual people.
We visited the largest hotel in Ashgabat, aptly named the Ashgabat Hotel. The lobby was spectacular as were the grounds and pool. But the lobby was empty. Where were the guests?
Empty lobby of the ornate Ashgabat Hotel
We also drove by their Institute of Cardiology, a building larger than most U.S. hospitals. I am not aware of Turkmenistan performing cutting-edge heart research and treatment. They don’t have a population to warrant a Cleveland Clinic-like facility.
Many of these grandiose buildings appeared more for show than function, showcasing the country’s wealth, but mostly a façade. Or else the buildings and monuments serve to funnel money to friends and family of the rulers. Then again, this is common practice in America too.
By law, all cars must be white, and must be clean. This is quite the change from filthy cars driving around many U.S. cities, especially in the winter. It is a nice look, seeing clean cars, as one might see in Southern California or South Florida. But there it is optional, unlike Turkmenistan.
Women wear colorful but modest traditional long dresses but none of the face coverings seen in other Muslim countries. Despite being a Muslim country, we saw few mosques and did not hear the traditional five times a day call to prayer common in Istanbul, Tehran, or Dubai.
Horses are revered by the current ruling family, father Gurbanguly Berdymukhamedov (say that ten times fast) and now his son Serdar. Many statues and monuments feature horses. Photos or paintings of the president on a horse are commonplace.
Past President of Turkmenistan Gurbanguly Berdymukhamedov
The president rarely makes world news but did in 2013 when he flew Jennifer Lopez to Turkmenistan to sing him happy birthday. Human rights groups were outraged. I suspect J Lo had no idea where she was, just happy to collect a fat check for a song.
By law, we were required to have a tour guide, a young man, ethnic Russian, who didn’t say much but gave us a great tour. We stayed in a Soviet-like hotel, simple but we joked about it being bugged, Soviet style. If anyone was listening, they weren’t bothered by our jokes about bugs in the lamps.
A highlight was my son and I getting a haircut at a local barber shop, a fun way to experience local culture. Barbers outside the U.S. are true craftsmen, meticulous with attention to detail. All for about $5 each.
Haircut in Ashgabat
The next day, our guide’s father and his friend drove us four hours north through the desert, passing roaming camels, to the famous Darvaza gas crater. 50 years ago, Soviet engineers were drilling for oil over a sinkhole which collapsed under them. Natural gas was leaking through the ground.
The Darvaza gas crater, also known as the “Gates of Hell”
The engineers lit the gas to burn it off, keeping it from polluting the surrounding air. After it was lit, they tried to put out the multiple flames, all without success. 50 years later the gas pit is still burning and is a popular and fascinating tourist attraction. Government ineptitude spans countries, cultures, and the globe.
We spent the night in a traditional desert yurt about a quarter mile from the gas crater. The eerie flames burning in the crater led to its nickname of “gates of hell.” Natural gas is where the country gets its wealth, on display in Ashgabat, the city of gold and marble.
The people were all very nice and seemed to be living relatively normal lives, despite the country’s reputation as a ruthless dictatorship. Most living in Ashgabat worked for the government with highly subsidized housing and free gasoline and electricity.
They are not living paycheck to paycheck, like so many Americans. I did not observe any homeless people. Illegal migration is nonexistent there, and crime is relatively low. American social oddities like wokeness, DEI, and 57 genders were refreshingly absent in Turkmenistan. Turkmenistan is not trying to commit suicide as America is over the past few years.
The food was delicious, a cross between Middle Eastern and Russian. We were treated well and had no safety concerns, more than I can say about venturing into downtown Denver or Chicago.
If you want to visit a strange and eccentric country far off the beaten path, give Turkmenistan a try. We thoroughly enjoyed the experience and are grateful for the opportunity to visit.
Brian C Joondeph, MD, is a physician and writer.
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