Recently, a spokesman for the Select Committee of Democrats lambasted Republicans for trying to create a conspiratorial narrative about Covid and government officials’ role in suppressing the lab-leak theory, saying, “While the Majority continues its fishing expedition, Select Subcommittee Democrats will remain focused on forward-looking solutions that protect the American people’s health.”
That’s interesting because if they really are interested in “forward-looking solutions” to secure Americans’ health, I would think there would be a code red around an epidemic that kills more people than Covid every day: obesity. Yet here we are — crickets.
The Obesity Epidemic
For almost three years, media ratings skyrocketed as ticker tapes of death flashed on the lower third of every screen across the country. The world stopped for a virus with an approximately 1 percent overall mortality rate and as low as 0.003 percent depending on age and health.
Why are there no daily warnings recounting the number of people who die each day from heart disease (almost 2,000 daily), diabetes (about 1,000 per day), stroke, and other issues directly caused by crappy metabolic health? Why isn’t the CDC trying to scare the sh-t out of us when it comes to the devastating effects of poor health decisions? Why is there no public shaming for elevated resting insulin levels, BMI (body mass index), blood pressure, and triglycerides? Some of these may be imperfect measurements, but they’re a good gauge to judge the health of the general population.
In 2021, approximately 500,000 people died from Covid. That’s being generous and rounding up. We all know the Covid data was highly flawed. Even if someone was run over by a truck and had Covid, they “died of Covid.” But for simplicity’s sake, 500,000 it is.
In the same year, 695,000 people died of heart disease and 700,000 of diabetes alone.
Current CDC estimates show that 1 in 3 Americans will develop diabetes sometime in their lifetime, and 96 million adults (more than 1 in 3) have prediabetes, defined by blood sugar levels that are higher than normal but not high enough to be diagnosed as diabetes.
Among patients hospitalized with severe Covid complications, 39.7 percent had diabetes as an underlying medical condition. The percentage increased to 46.5 percent for patients aged 50 to 64. Let’s not forget the fact that patients who were overweight or obese had a higher risk of acute complications such as pneumonia (4-10 percent higher), respiratory failure (8-30 percent higher), and acute kidney injury (8-42 percent higher).
For some reason, I haven’t seen The New York Times or The Washington Post plaster these health statistics across their front pages. There are no daily rants from Rachel Maddow, Stephen Colbert, or Joe Scarborough and no moral outrage as overweight people line their carts with Coca-Cola, Krispy Kremes, and Cheetos. In fact, doing so would be considered shaming, and God forbid we shame anyone as a means of behavior modification. Thanks, Brene Brown.
Within a week, governments around the world shut down entire economies, destroying businesses and lives everywhere. The losses have been cataclysmic. Two years of lies and misleading data led to dire educational outcomes for children. Bitter battles over masks and vaccinations destroyed relationships and friendships and tore apart families. Our government and media managed to decimate our country over a virus from which most metabolically healthy people recovered.
A Government Response to the New Health Crisis
In lieu of these facts, I’d like to offer some policy recommendations to the Select Committee of Democrats and our public health officials to address the real killer of obesity and metabolic syndrome. Keep in mind, I’m neither a politician nor a doctor, which makes me extremely qualified to do so. Plus, these revolutionary ideas may actually save lives rather than destroy them.
More public land for recreational use and activity would be allocated. People would be required to leave their homes to walk at least 5,000 steps a day. After three months, a “booster” would be introduced to increase that number to 7,000. After six months, a second “booster” would require 10,000 steps. Now lace up and get outside! You can even wave and smile at your neighbor or that pesky co-worker you can’t really stand from the other side of the street.
Fresh air and vitamin D for everyone, with an apple and an avocado for complying! Mayors and city officials would gently persuade everyone by going on television and gorging on salmon or eggs and sautéed spinach and guzzling a nice refreshing glass of water.
Rather than giving money to people to “Netflix and chill,” we would give them money to spend on fruits, vegetables, and other whole-food items. All “nonessential” food would be banned: Doritos, other chips, candy, soda, and anything else that can’t be grown in the ground. This includes alcohol and marijuana. There would be permanent restrictions on SNAP income to limit the purchase of such items. People would be mandated to drive or walk into the store to get groceries rather than having everything delivered to the front doorstep, forcing everyone to be cordial to at least one person per day. Plus, this would count toward your daily step requirement.
I can’t speak to the rush on toilet paper. With the increase in fiber intake, potty usage is bound to rise. Take it up with the EPA.
Rather than being fired from your job for not taking the vaccine, you would be put on a leave of absence to drop a few pounds. Think of it as a wellness retreat! Women all across the country are scrambling to go on one of those, and here you are being forced to drink green juice and lift a few pounds. As soon as your metabolic benchmarks fall within a healthy range, you immediately get hired back.
Free monthly metabolic health tests would be obligatory to ensure everyone is protecting themselves and their loved ones.
At least an hour a day of play and group activity would be mandatory for all children. They would learn how to cook and plant a garden. I believe we used to call that kind of indoctrination PhysEd and HomeEc.
Everyone must carry a card to show they’ve eaten an appropriate amount of protein a day and will not be allowed to work or socialize without one.
A massive celebrity campaign would be launched to encourage everyone to make sure they get their “5 a day,” and those who do not eat the requisite fruits and vegetables should be shamed endlessly. Those who comply will be celebrated, and the biggest virtue signalers of all will be rewarded with a Peloton bike!
Everyone could put a little circle around their social media profile photo proclaiming, “I’m metabolically healthy!” or, “My BMI is less than 25!”
Magazines would return to highlighting healthy, fit bodies on their covers. This would also give the economy a boost. Men would start buying magazines again, and some of the companies that have gone under for making stupid marketing decisions might return to their once-reputable glory days.
Sure, some people might struggle with being forced to go outside and eat healthy, but eventually they’ll get used to it. After all, we’re kind and compassionate, and we want everyone to be safe. It’s the right thing to do.
And remember, this isn’t forever. It’s just until we “flatten the waistline.”
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