CNM Newz - Jesus' Coming Back

NORFOLK, VA—PETA issued a statement Wednesday blasting King Darius the Mede for not feeding his “malnourished” lions more delicious Hebrews who refused to pray to him and instead stayed faithful to their God. PETA reps applauded Darius…

The Master's University and Seminary Put on Probation The Christian Post reported that The Master's University and Seminary in Santa Clarita (TMUS), California has been placed on probation by the Western Association of Schools and…

U.S.—A panel of evangelical leaders, including Jim Bakker, Pat Robertson, and Jerry Falwell, Jr., announced Wednesday they will resume preaching about the importance of absolute truth the moment that President Trump leaves office. Their…

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) said Wednesday that the impeachment of President Donald Trump was “not a priority,” even though fellow Democrats are pushing for their party to take up the issue if they win the midterm elections.…

HONOLULU, HI—Community Church at the Shore has found an innovative way to provide an exciting finale to each of its services as well as cull the worship band to only the most excellent of singers: a live voting process in which several…

Category 4 Hurricane Headed Toward Hawaii Category 4 Hurricane Lane is headed directly toward Hawaii. The storm, which started out as a Category 5, dropped down to a Cat 4 on Wednesday. Lane is predicted to hit the Big Island,…

Chip Gaines Posted 1 Photo and Unexpectedly Started an Uproar A Chip Gaines car seat photo has sparked loads of debate on social media. But the outrage has nothing to do with the car seat/stovetop combo. Instead, it’s the nearby pan…

TORONTO—Local man Tim Rubidoux has refused to join a local gym, claiming instead that his membership in the “invisible, universal gym” should be enough to get him into shape. “Yeah, I’m not really into the whole ‘organized fitness’…

Billy Graham’s grandson, Boz Tchividjian, has spend the duration of his ministry fighting against sexual abuse in Protestant churches. In a recent interview with VICE Magazine, he stated that sexual abuse in Protestant Churches is just as…

BOSTON, MA—After spending a long day celebrating the revelation that President Trump likely violated campaign finance laws and fantasizing over all the long-shot possibilities for the President getting impeached, local progressive Mark…