american culture

SANTA MONICA, CA—Backed by nearly $50 million from investors, a new streaming service launched Wednesday that exclusively features television episodes that have been removed from other platforms because a character appears in blackface. “We…

On Feb. 11, the San Francisco 49ers will face off against the Kansas City Chiefs, who have three Super Bowl wins since 2019 already under their belts. What do you think? “It’s a long shot, but if the Chargers win, the payout’s going to be…

WASHINGTON—Saying the country’s entire adult population would automatically be entered for a chance to win, officials at the U.S. Census Bureau announced Thursday that one lucky American would get to be 16 years old again. “Starting…

VINTON, IA—Noting that the 17-year-old had sprouted at least three inches in the past six months alone, family sources confirmed Thursday that huge cousin Caleb Perez was the top-ranked recruit for their annual Thanksgiving pickup football…

BOSTON—Verbally confronting the seasonal gourd before becoming physical, local boyfriend Trevor Landis reportedly punched a jack-o’-lantern Thursday for smiling at his girlfriend. “What the hell do you think you’re doing—can’t you see she’s…

Start SlideshowCarving jack-o’-lanterns from pumpkins is one of the most fun and rewarding Halloween activities. The Onion offers tips for pumpkin carving that will make your jack-o’-lantern the envy of the…

GUILDERLAND, NY—A pathetic display of deception and self-debasement reportedly occurred Tuesday when a theatrical farce featuring teammates, parents, and coaches pretended a Little Leaguer’s 12-error dribbler was a real home run. Sources…

ATLANTA—While the quality of the nation’s mental health continues to worsen, a new Centers for Disease Control report released Friday claimed to have found that the decline is sharpest among Americans who finally tried out a bolo tie and no…

President Biden has signed the Juneteenth National Independence Day Act, making June 19 a federal holiday to commemorate the day in 1865 when the last enslaved African Americans in Texas were granted their freedom. What do you think?“See?…

WASHINGTON—In a rare unanimous vote, the Senate passed a bill Wednesday to make Juneteenth a federal holiday so long as no one thinks too hard about its significance. “This is a day to barbecue and get drunk, a day to ask your coworkers…