american people of german descent

MILWAUKEE—In fiery remarks made aboard his private jet as he traveled to Wisconsin for the Republican National Convention, a defiant Donald Trump ridiculed his would-be assassin Monday, calling the individual a “horse-faced slut.” “Let me…

On July 1, Steve Bannon reported to federal prison to serve a four-month sentence for acting in contempt of Congress. The Onion followed the former Trump advisor and far-right figurehead for 24 hours behind bars.Taylor Swift Under Fire For…

WASHINGTON—In a partial victory for the former president, the Supreme Court ruled this week that Donald Trump has immunity for any crime committed between the hours of 9 a.m. and 5 p.m. during his time in the White House. “Whether it be…

WASHINGTON—Shedding new light on your failure to achieve financial success, the Brookings Institution released a new report Monday finding that disgraced former civil rights activist Rachel Dolezal has a higher net worth than you. “Our…

Former President Donald Trump and current President Biden squared off for the first presidential debate of 2024 on CNN. The Onion’s fact checkers diligently combed through 90 minutes of pure slop to categorize the candidate’s statements as…

ATLANTA—Stressing that they wished they had talked about this months ago instead of waiting until now, a relieved Donald Trump and Joe Biden ended the first presidential debate of 2024 Thursday after realizing neither of them really wanted…

ATLANTA—Checking in at the building’s visitor desk under the singular name “Janitor,” the Trump boys reportedly broke into an office at CNN headquarters Thursday, attempting to steal the debate answers for their father. “All we gotta do is…

The House Ethics Committee, which has a long-running investigation into the conduct of Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-FL), announced it is now also considering allegations of sexual misconduct and illicit drug use in addition to previous claims that he…

Former President Donald Trump has yet to announce his running mate for the 2024 election and is reportedly still considering several different candidates. The Onion breaks down exactly what Trump is expecting from his next vice…

Steve Bannon has been ordered by a judge to report to prison by July 1 to serve a four-month sentence after he was convicted of acting in contempt of Congress. The Onion explains everything you need to know about the former Trump advisor…