anatomy

REDWOOD CITY, CA—As the woman held her newborn baby for the first time and acknowledged that she wasn’t exactly sure what she was expecting, sources confirmed Monday that it was unclear why local 36-year-old Rose Jeffries thought the thing…

WASHINGTON—Warning citizens of a rising threat to the nation’s youth, U.S. officials cautioned Tuesday that knife-wielding doctors were roaming the country in search of adolescent children they could force to be trans. “Across America,…

TALLAHASSEE, FL—In an effort to connect with voters while on the 2024 campaign trail, Gov. Ron DeSantis (R-FL) ended a fundraiser Tuesday by approaching a World War II veteran and shaking his tongue. Several reports indicated that the…

Start SlideshowSeveral states recently passed laws legalizing genital inspections for trans children who wish to play sports in school. The Onion asked conservatives why they support state-sanctioned genital inspections for minors, and this…

NEW YORK—Three hours into a craniotomy at New York–Presbyterian Hospital on Friday, brain surgeon James Roth reportedly held a small mirror up behind the patient’s head so she could see how the surgery was looking so far. “Do we love it?”…

DURHAM, NC—Scooped up after a bidding war by a die-hard fan who intends to display it in his private residence, Michael Jordan’s game-used tongue sold for 1.38 million dollarsat auction Friday. “We’re talking about a piece of basketball…

TORONTO—In an effort to attract a younger audience by encouraging them to “reach out and touch” pieces of NHL history, the Hockey Hall Of Fame debuted an interactive exhibit Friday allowing fans to play with game-used teeth. “We’ve…

STAMFORD, CT—In a sexual education course intended to broaden the children’s knowledge of the important issue, elementary school teacher Sandra Burns announced Friday that “the penis is the male reproductive organ” to a fifth-grade class…