animals

RANBURNE, AL—Concluding an hours-long summit with top thinkers from the area, residents of a town with a heavyset mule stuck halfway through a barn door declared Thursday that they’re plumb out of ideas. The townsfolk, who were spotted…

ITHACA, NY—Noting that the evolutionary quirk results in plenty of familial strife, herpetologists at Cornell University confirmed Tuesday that shingleback lizards are the only reptiles that mate for the sake of their aging mothers. “Unlike…

An Ornate cat-eyed snake was found hiding in a bunch of bananas at a New Hampshire grocery store, the reptile having been accidentally stowed away among a shipment of the fruit. What do you think? “This is why every American should…

COBOURG, ON ― Local housecat, Firecracker Devries, achieved a soaring pinnacle of sheer hedonistic pleasure today that is in equal measure inaccessible and inconceivable to her owner/servant/tolerated-acquaintance, Lucien Devries, upon…

Researchers in Australia said that they have for the first time successfully produced kangaroo embryos through in-vitro fertilization, a breakthrough that may help save endangered species from extinction. What do you think? “Who’s…

WASHINGTON—Fulfilling a campaign promise made by President Donald Trump, the U.S. Department of the Interior announced Wednesday that it was enacting a ban on unlikely animal friendships, effective immediately. “Starting today, any animal…

The Colorado Supreme Court unanimously ruled that five elderly elephants don’t have legal standing to sue to leave a local zoo because they’re not human. What do you think? “We can still sue elephants though, right?” Molly Klink,…

A study published in the journal Current Biology found that when one chimpanzee urinates, the others in a group are more likely to follow, a phenomenon called “contagious urination” that could have deep evolutionary roots in humans as well.…

A man has sustained serious injuries after rescuing his wife who was ambushed by a polar bear in an early morning attack, leaping on to the animal to prevent an attack after the woman slipped to the ground. What do you think? “Only…

Wisdom, a Laysan albatross and the world’s oldest known wild bird, laid an egg at the approximate age of 74, a feat given that members of the species usually only live for 12-40 years. What do you think? “Does the world really need…