animals

“I was filming a rat skittering across the street, and, uh, it saw me, it really looked like it was making eye contact with me, and it seemed like, like it, um, wanted me to follow, so I-I did, and I followed it down this alley, and it…

GENEVA—Promising the fastest and most accurate results in the market, Swiss Precision Diagnostics introduced a new at-home Clearblue test Tuesday that tells users if they’re beautiful. “There’s nothing worse than uncertainty, but with the…

ALBUQUERQUE, NM—According to a new study published Thursday in the Journal Of Anthropological Research, early humans domesticated wolves after numerous failed attempts at domesticating crocodiles. “Discouraged by a lack of progress and…

KEARNEY, NE—In an effort to put the man’s behavior into context by describing it as part of an intergenerational cycle of violence, a psychologist stated Friday that local 38-year-old Todd Adelwright mostly likely abused his dog because he…

CONWAY, AR—Praying to be blessed with a child of the same species, expectant couple Steve and Molly Bevers told reporters Friday they were hoping for a human baby. “Fingers crossed that we get a Homo sapiens,” said Molly Bevers, claiming…

The United States Department of Agriculture has approved the first-ever vaccine for honeybees to protect the insects from American foulbrood disease, a fatal bacterial disease that can destroy entire honeybee colonies. What do you…

A study has found that the brains of some stranded dolphins showed classic markers of human Alzheimer’s disease, supporting the theory that “mass strandings” occur when one animal becomes confused and leads their pod into dangerously…

New York has become the latest state to ban the sale of cats, dogs, and rabbits in pet stores, passing a law that will take effect in 2024 and target commercial breeding operations decried by critics as “puppy mills.” What do you…

BOISE, ID—Tugging on the leash with a groan while walking his easily distracted dog, local man Kenneth Granger announced Monday that he would be the judge of what warranted sniffing. “Come on, no, you do not need to smell that fence again,”…

Kingston, ON – A senior researcher at Queen’s University claimed this week that otters don’t exist and are actually just wet dogs. “It all came to me at the cottage,” said zoologist Dick Jones. “I was showing my wife pictures of sea otter…