anorectics

SAN DIEGO—In an ill-advised effort to reduce the costs of blow, the nation’s lapsed college friends announced plans Tuesday to mistakenly text you about splitting an eighth of an ounce of cocaine. “Although we haven’t spoken in 11 years,…

U.S. Customs found over 3,000 pounds of methamphetamine and over 500 pounds of cocaine smuggled in barrels of jalapeño paste in San Diego, with the narcotics estimated to be worth $10 million. What do you think?“Be careful not to touch your…

The Secret Service concluded its investigation into the small bag of cocaine found at the White House and has been unable to identify a suspect. What do you think?“I bet they could’ve figured it out with 18 months of congressional…

Mounting shortages of medications like the ADHD treatment Adderall and the diabetes and weight-loss drug Ozempic have caused anxiety among patients who rely on them, with experts attributing the scarcity to multiple factors. The Onion tells…