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Nation Startled By Loud Noise

WASHINGTON— Jumping at the sudden, unexpected sound, reports across the United States confirmed Thursday that the nation was startled by a loud noise. “Ah! Oh my god, what was that?” said 330 million Americans, noting that their heart just…

The Onion’s Guide To Fertility Treatments

Around one in three Americans say they have used fertility treatments or know someone who has in the effort to successfully conceive a child, but there are many considerations that go into choosing a fertility treatment that’s right for…

Illinois Becomes First State To Outlaw Book Bans

Illinois has become the first state to legislate against the banning of books in public libraries, a practice that has been on the rise across the United States as conservatives look to suppress some books dealing with race, history, and…

Mushroom Cloud Hopefully Nothing Major

TAOS, NM—Watching the odd phenomenon form on the horizon, local man Charles Roche told reporters Tuesday that hopefully the mushroom cloud was nothing major. “Looks a bit ominous I suppose, but it probably doesn’t pose any kind of big…

Trump Found Liable For Sexual Abuse, Defemation

A Manhattan jury found former President Donald J. Trump liable for the sexual abuse of writer E. Jean Carroll in a widely watched civil trial, with the jury awarding her $5 million in damages for her battery and defamation claims. What do…

Dubai To Build World’s First 3D-Printed Mosque

Dubai has announced the construction of a 3D-printed concrete mosque to accommodate 600 worshippers and cover 2,000 square meters over two floors, with construction planned to begin by the end of year and completed in the first quarter of…

WHO Declares End To Covid Health Emergency

The World Health Organization declared an end to Covid-19 as a global health emergency, marking a major step toward the end of the pandemic that has killed more than 6.9 million people, disrupted the global economy, and ravaged communities.…

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