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WASHINGTON—In an effort to combat the Covid-19 pandemic abroad, the U.S. reportedly gave developing countries 60 seconds with patents for the vaccine Thursday to memorize everything they can. “No pens, no paper—just you, your brains, and a…

New York City education officials have announced that the nation’s largest school district will not be having any snow days in the next school year, and instead will be providing remote learning during severe weather. What do you think?“As…

“As your guests go to take their first bite, if you stand behind them and make the ‘Mmmm’ noise at the right volume, sometimes they’ll think that it’s them making that noise, and they’ll think that they’re actually enjoying the meal a…

CHICAGO—In an attempt to address community outcry over recent police encounters, Mayor Lori Lightfoot announced a reform effort Friday that would require all city teenagers to undergo mandatory deescalation training. “As a society, we…

MENLO PARK, CA—As part of the social media company’s quarterly conspiracy-laden performance review, Facebook human resources representative Amber Sutherland warned employee Simon Daniels Thursday that he had been cited for drinking…

HOUSTON—Brutally coercing the suspect into reaffirming his innocence, loose-cannon American Civil Liberties Union investigator Roberta Spatz reportedly beat a recantation out of confessed murderer Leonard Campbell, sources confirmed…

A nonpartisan data analysis by the Center for Strategic and International Studies found that U.S. domestic terrorism incidents skyrocketed in the last 25 years, driven by growing right-wing extremist attacks which hit an all-time record of…

American physicists recently discovered that a tiny subatomic particle called a muon does not conform to the laws of physics as currently understood, suggesting the potential discovery of a brand-new form of physics. The Onion looks back at…

WASHINGTON—As part of an ongoing study of the nation’s attitudes toward confined spaces from which there is no perceivable escape, the Pew Research Center released a new poll Friday that found nearly all Americans hatebeing trapped in…

A woman in the U.K. gave birth to twins conceived three weeks apart in a rare phenomenon called superfetation, which occurs when a separate, new pregnancy occurs during an initial pregnancy. What do you think?“And she’s sure they’re both…