baptism

Theo Von joked on “The Joe Rogan Experience” that billionaires “look like aliens.” Their bodies are often funnily shaped and pale from lack of sunlight. They don’t seem quite like us. We joke that Meta CEO Mark Zuckerburg is a lizard, X…

NEW HAVEN, CT—Touting a breakthrough in the field of sabotaging family gatherings, a study released Thursday by Yale University found that LSD was highly effective at ruining a nephew’s baptism. “Of our study’s participants, an overwhelming…

RACINE, WI—Touting the new product as a more compassionate way to end the lives of common household pests, Raid introduced a holy water–infused spray Friday that allows cockroaches to be baptized and die as Christians. “We know how…