behavior

A teacher on the outskirts of Cincinnati is recovering from brain surgery after a student violently attacked her earlier this month. The 60-year-old teacher was harmed so severely by a teenager that doctors had to remove part of her skull…

Start SlideshowMany Americans do not know how to kiss. Here is how to kiss.AdvertisementPrevious SlideNext SlideFirst Get Your Tongue As Dry As PossibleFirst Get Your Tongue As Dry As PossibleNobody likes the feeling of a sloppy wet tongue…

RICHTON, MS—After being reminded of the district’s zero-tolerance policy, chaperones for the Richton High School prom were reportedly instructed Friday to turn away any students who showed up to the dance with pussy on their breath. “Be on…

NEW YORK—Saying they had struggled for years with infertility and were open to any new approach that might help them conceive, local married couple Nina and Joe Klasfeld told reporters Monday they were considering sexual intercourse. “It…

NEW YORK—Drawing from almost three decades of experience of jerking off in the city, local New Yorker James Greene was reportedly counseling friend Troy Balaz Thursday on how to masturbate on the subway without looking like a tourist.…

PLAINS, GA—According to sources familiar with the medical treatment he is currently receiving, former President Jimmy Carter, 98, underwent a conventional surgical vasectomy Tuesday in an effort to prevent any unwanted pregnancies. “I’m not…

For Baby Boomers, this famous quote, attributed to Joan Collins, humorously captures a change many of them have observed in American society during their lifetimes: “Grandmother used to take my mother to the circus to see the fat lady and…

Start SlideshowThroughout recorded history, humans have been clever and resourceful as they sought out ways to avoid getting saddled down with an unwanted kid. The Onion looks back on the most ingenious forms of birth control used in…

Start SlideshowMaking love can often be far more dangerous than expected. The Onion examines sex-related injuries that could send you to the hospital.AdvertisementPrevious SlideNext SlideJoining The Mile High Club And The Plane…

Experts say that a nearly 2,000-year-old wooden, penis-shaped object that was recently discovered in England could have served as a sexual tool by ancient Romans in Britain. What do you think?“We’re closer than ever to confirming that…